If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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