for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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