aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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