I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
