so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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