why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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