I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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