I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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