I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
