Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
