i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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