That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
