either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
