i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you didnt know i had herpes?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
