He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
