dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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