i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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