Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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