Do vagina's smell?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
