In the future we'll all be gay
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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