paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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