You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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