so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
