Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
