I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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