i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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