i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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