is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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