looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
