I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
