It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize