Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
