pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
