would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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