its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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