It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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