My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
