you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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