Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
