This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I believe in your delicious
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
