he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
