My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
