Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
