i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
