I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He felt like a one man threesome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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