I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
