Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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