my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We are two peas in an std pod
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
