Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
