white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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