i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
