I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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