OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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