Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
