You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize