yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
