I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
