I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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