I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
