you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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