a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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