i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
