And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize