Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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