she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
