Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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