You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
