how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
