After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
