Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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